It's been 9 months now. 9 long miserable months without my mom.
9 months of denial,
assuring everyone I'm fine...even when I'm not.
9 months and I still feel like it's Day 1.
Last week God spoke to me. He told me I am ready. It's time.
No more denial, no more just being okay, no more living in survival mode.
I was so excited!
The thing is, it's still a process. It doesn't magically happen. If I'm not careful I will stay right where I have been for the past 9 months in getting-by-ville.
I don't want to just get by. I want to be happy! The real deal Jesus flowing out of me happy. You know those people who just ooze peace and joy? I want that to be me... No matter what's going on in my life...
So I am going to press in and trust God.
Victory always begins with a cry for help.
When we come to the end of ourselves and cry out for help,
amazing things happen.
-Beth Moore
My Beth Moore devotional has blessed me so much and in so many ways. I know I've said it before but I highly suggest it! And thanks Lissa for sharing your journal. I've been lax in my journal keeping but I knew I needed one for this journey. It's already become so essential for me. When I am discouraged I remind myself, God told me I'm ready, so that means I must be ready. :)
I am excited and nervous for what the future holds!
xo
I think we all need time like this and i'm glad to see you looking up!!!
ReplyDeletexo
hey, let's hold each other up together okay? I'm sorry you've been hurting so much! But I want to be that girl too! that one that exudes joy and peace no matter what. I already had my cry for help and it was U*G*L*Y. But that was the start of the turning point for me.
ReplyDeleteJulie, I am sorry you are feeling like this, I can relate, I would feel the same if my mom was not with me. Stay strong, the journey may be long but it is worth every minute!
ReplyDeleteJulie, I love this post. It is real and beautiful. I am gonna stand behind you and pray you strength, brave and healing. I can't imagine your pain as my Mom is my best friend. I pray you smile memories with her. The kind that make you smile from all the way into your soul and overflow. I pray you true with God. I pray you lean into Him..you know...like you mean it with intention. I pray for people like Lissa to stand beside you and hold you up when you feel you cannot. I pray you BIG JOY! Praying you many, oh so many smiles!
ReplyDeleteps. thank you for always visiting my blog and leaving just kind comments. I pray I bless you back much girly!
I'm so glad that He is revealing himself to you. I am excited to see what God has in store for you and your family. Nothing short of amazing I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteI love you Julie.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you.