I've been thinking about how/when/if to write this post for some time... I was thinking how I'm always talking about being up and down, or just down... While I have always had ups and downs, I have them more lately and I want to explain why...
Here are my parents, baby sister and I in the happiest place on earth (my little brother is taking the picture). :) My mom passed away this past December of ovarian cancer. She was my best friend, the strongest, most amazing woman I will ever know. I am so blessed to have had her as my mom. She truly was the glue that held our family together. Next month we (my dad, Bubba (that's what we call my brother) and Jami) will be going to Hawaii to spread her ashes (When my mom came from the Philippines with her family they lived on Kauai). I've distracted myself with shopping (I love to shop) and physically preparing for the trip (which I keep meaning to blog about ;)). The preparing mentally and emotionally is harder... I know that God allowed this to happen for a reason. I also know that he could have healed my mom. So the emotional ups and downs are...often. I know God uses everything for the good of those who love him. I will look back and see how he used what I'm going through now for good.My husband and my kids aren't coming with me to Hawaii. This is also hard and we've gone back and forth about whether or not they should be there. My dad is paying for me to go. I also feel that I really need to bond with my sister (she's 10). We can go to Hawaii as a family next year (or maybe the one after that...lol). I'm also leaving the day before Easter. So I won't be there to see my kids dressed up, hide Easter eggs or see their excited little faces while they look for them. Especially Jaxon's... There's also talk of my mother in law moving in for the week while I'm gone. Eek! I need to go clean right now...
So just in case you were wondering why I am an emotional roller coaster there you have it...
And everyone should do Beth Moore's study on Esther. It is too good. xo
Julie, I read this after I sent you the fb message. I'm sooo sorry! So sorry you're hurting. I'm at home until I pick Nattie up from school. Call if you want to. (You saw me at Bible study.....what a mess!) Love you! L
ReplyDeleteI thought of this while I was waiting to pick up Nattie. When Christopher died I went shopping with my mom to buy something more conservative to wear to the funeral. If you know my mom She goes to Ross for everything and gets everything really cheap! She's a total bargain shopper! Well, I found theses AMAZING shoes which I confess were $250. Sounds crazy, I know. Well, my frugal mom said we're in mourning and you MUST have those shoes. So crazy took over and I did buy them. But I still love them and I have yet to buy another pair of dress shoes so that I will get my money's worth. I still call them my mourning shoes.... Talk about retail therapy.....
ReplyDeleteOh Julie,
ReplyDeleteI hadn't read this before choir tonight. It must really be tough without your mom here. I feel the same about my dad. I am not looking forward to when he goes. He's also the glue in our family so I understand where you are coming from. Hugs Hugs Hugs!
Julie, I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHugs, Melinda